When Will Enough Truly Be Enough? The Epidemic of Post-Separation Homicide
Dr Gill Harrop, Senior Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, University of Worcester
18th September 2025
In February this year, yet another woman was murdered by a man who once vowed to love her. Shortly after Lisa Smith ended her marriage, her ex-husband tracked her down to a pub in Kent, then shot her in front of her loved ones, before fleeing and killing himself. In his final messages, read at their inquest this week, Lisa’s killer stated his hope that he and Lisa would soon be together in heaven.
Photo supplied by Kent Police
The audacity of this act is staggering. He did not have the right to decide the course of her life, nor to frame his violence as some twisted act of love. He made a choice for both of them and in doing so, extinguished Lisa’s valuable, irreplaceable life. She was only 43 years old, and deserved to live, to flourish, to build a future free from fear. He stole that from her, and from everyone who loved her.
This is not an isolated case. Time and again, women are killed in the aftermath of ending a relationship. We know that separation is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive or controlling relationship: the moment when a man feels his power slipping away and lashes out with violence. Post-separation homicide is not about passion or heartbreak — it is about control, entitlement, and punishment. In short, men who engage in these violent acts would rather see their former partner dead than free.
When will it be enough? How many more women must die at the hands of men who cannot accept rejection, who see their partners not as equals but as possessions? Until we stop minimising these crimes, until we start naming them for what they are, acts of misogynistic violence, the cycle will continue.
What needs to change
We cannot keep treating these murders as isolated tragedies. They are part of a pattern, which is rooted in misogyny, entitlement, and a culture that still excuses men’s violence against women. If we are serious about ending post-separation homicide, several things must change:
1. Call it what it is
Stop calling these killings “domestic disputes” or “marital breakdowns.” They are murders, fuelled by power and control. Words matter, and minimising language masks the reality.
2. Hold men accountable
Men must step up. This is not just a “women’s issue.” These crimes are overwhelmingly committed by men, and it will take all of us, men included, to address it. More men need to step up and take on the responsibility for challenging other men’s attitudes, including entitlement, control, and misogyny, in order to dismantle the culture that enables it.
3. Rejection is not an excuse
Rejection hurts, but it’s part of life. Too many times, men see rejection as a challenge or a threat to their pride, and when that pride is wounded, they lash out, and women like Lisa Smith pay the price for saying no. That isn’t love. It’s entitlement and control. Real strength is in accepting rejection with dignity, not violence.
4. Early intervention
The warning signs are often there: coercive control, threats, stalking, escalating behaviour after a breakup. These must be recognised and acted upon before violence turns lethal. Jane Monkton-Smith’s homicide timeline is an excellent starting point for learning about such behaviour.
5. Cultural change
We need to stop romanticising jealousy, control, and possessiveness as signs of passion. These behaviours are not love, they’re red flags which indicate a controlling, problematic relationship. We must dismantle the myths that fuel these crimes and instead promote healthy, positive relationship behaviours.
6. Support for survivors
Women leaving abusive or controlling relationships need robust, reliable support systems — safe housing, legal protection, community resources. No woman should be left to face this risk alone.
If we are ever to truly tackle domestic homicide, there needs to be accountability, honest conversations, willingness to change and, frankly, outrage at what has been allowed to happen for so long. Lisa Smith’s life should not be reduced to a footnote in a news cycle, it should be a rallying cry.
That is the very least that she deserves.